Men often underestimate the emotional ramifications of their actions. Women often underestimate the shallowness of men.Lauren Vinopal
Why can’t you just be faithful?
Any man who has ever been on the receiving end of that question, whether dodging crockery or wiping away his wife’s tears, knows that some women really want an answer. Do men who cheat really outnumber their female counterparts? Is infidelity in marriage more natural to men than women? And do some husbands think that “monogamy” is a board game?
This million-dollar question remains unanswered for most people; at least for those who still believe in the chastity of marriage and have a strong bias toward monogamy. Is it a possibility or just a swaying illusion; Can you be faithful to one person for life?
I must admit that when young and unmarried, there is that longing desire to find the best fit, and most importantly, someone you can trust and take them by their word as it comes. On the other hand, however, popular culture continually waters down the vitality of looking keenly and choosing a suitable mate for the long run. I think we have allowed ourselves to be brainwashed and heavily swept by tides of infidelity that we are so ready and willing to take anything; even if it’s not up to standard. We have decided to believe in the guile that all men(women) are cheats so take the best option that you can live with. Really? 😉
We never take the time to delve deeper into the reasons and predispositions that could lead one to be unfaithful. Sadly enough, it seems like fairy tale trying to grasp the fact that there are still faithful men and women out there. Wait, before you start mumbling and complaining, we’ll dig into research and psychology and try to understand a thing or two about monogamy, mating and definitely cheating! 🙂
According to the University of Chicago’s General Social Survey, it consistently finds that 20 percent of men cheat in their lifetimes, compared with 12 percent of women.Think it’s just about sex? Not so fast. When marriage therapist M. Gary Neuman interviewed 100 cheating men for his recent book, The Truth about Cheating, only eight cited sex as the main reason for their infidelity. Forty-eight of them said emotional issues drove them to cheat. If sex was a factor, other problems were probably lurking.
While women do cheat, the fact is men cheat more than women. It may come as cold comfort to women scorned, but they don’t seem to do so with the same intention as women. Cheaters, specifically repeat cheaters, tend to be opportunistic and capable of emotional compartmentalization.
Why do men cheat? Some may cheat because they are unsatisfied, but, as a rule, men don’t cheat because they are unhappy. Men cheat because they think they can get away with it and because they’re willing to let themselves get away with it. Cheating is, strangely, a behavior that can make it hard to be a good father and husband, but also a behavior that isn’t actually correlated with familial love or care.
Studies routinely find that men are more likely to cheat on their partners, commit sexual misconduct, and act recklessly when it comes to sex. Evolution, biology, and the platitude “boys will be boys” do not excuse poor and inconsiderate decision-making. But there are biological factors (as well as numerous cultural factors) that may make men more likely than women to act upon their sexual impulses.
For instance, the sexual pursuit area of men’s brains may be up to 2.5 times larger than that of females. Men report masturbating over twice as frequently as women, on average, with their primary motivation being insufficient sex. Upon reaching puberty, men begin to produce 25 times more testosterone (the male sex hormone). Although this is obviously not true of all men, on average, a male’s brain is, evolutionary, more primed towards sexual conquest.
Despite popular misconceptions, humans are not the only monogamous creatures, and in fact, the majority of human cultures actually practice polygamy (both polygyny, the practice of having many wives, and polyandry, the practice of having many husbands, are common throughout history). On the other hand, many birds and even our close relatives the gibbons almost always have one partner for life.
Robert Weiss, a therapist and author of Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating found that despite being stereotypically seen as good at fixing things, men are almost universally terrible at repairing the damage done by cheating. Because the sex didn’t mean much to them and was simply available, they severely underestimate how devastating their behavior might be to their partner. For men who don’t come clean or get caught, repeat offenses are the product of the same mentality: It’s just sex.
Estimates suggest around 10 percent of expecting fathers cheat on their pregnant wives, and there’s reason to believe a man’s resistance to temptation is stronger when he’s newly married and having a bunch of sex in the kitchen in front of his new appliances then when his partner’s interest is declining. While women tend to cheat up, bedding potentially more suitable mates, men cheat down and all around.
Unlike men who cheat chronically as a result of deeper-rooted attachment disorders and sex addictions, healthy men who cheat occasionally are not pathological, they’re immature, Weiss says, adding, “Most men fall somewhere in the middle between being absolutely faithful and having cheated once, realizing it was immature and learning from it.”
Well, as obvious as it is that men are more likely to have illicit affairs out of a relationship; its also true that there are men to whom cheating ain’t their cup of tea.
Studies by Kinsey and Masters and Johnson suggest that about 50% of men are faithful to their wives. These studies were done some time ago and followed a period of time when men were separated from their wives for long periods of time because of war. Surely, the meaning of an infidelity when someone is necessarily away from a spouse is different than when they are living together. Also, the number of infidelities in couples who have been married for only 10 years, must, surely, differ from those couples who have been married for 25 years.
According to Dr. Fredric Neuman, Men who dont cheat fall into different categories:
- Some men simply have very little interest in sex, within or outside the marriage. I think that these are the men who have set down the various rules against different kinds of sexual behavior.
- Some men are shy. They may be in a position where an opportunity appears for an illicit sexual encounter; and they, sort of, don’t react until afterward. Sometimes they report these minor encounters to me with a vague sense of regret (not really much regret, however).
- Most men who are faithful are simply too busy in their lives to have much time for an affair. They are preoccupied with work, with dealing with kids and a home, with various social activities. Having an affair seems too time-consuming and not worth the effort. Most of these men aren’t thinking of affairs in the first place.
- Some men say they feel uncomfortable lying and practicing the various complicated deceits required to successfully pull off having an affair.
- Some men say that the stakes are too high. They know that their wives would feel terrible if they were discovered to be unfaithful; and, possibly, their marriages would be at risk.
The good news is that most men don’t need to cheat to understand the hurt it may cause to their partner — that can be accomplished through healthy, and more important, continued communication about trust, intimacy, and opportunities for temptation as they arise.
So Yes, a Man Can be Faithful. A woman too 😉 , if they choose to.